Feeling the Crunch

I haven't written with any real consistency but I just have to talk about something. I know that right now times are tough everywhere. I happen to live in an area where it may not be as obvious that people are struggling. Maybe they are but it's not as obvious.

I am going to say it. We are struggling. Seriously struggling. What is going to happen? With us? With the economy and with the world? I watched the debate last night in the hopes I would be inspired by the candidate who I felt will really turn things around. I wasn't inspired.

On a really selfish and superficial level - I'm sick of not being able to give the Dad a birthday present. And I'm REALLY sick of not getting a birthday present. And I'm sick of celebrating 9 years of marriage with a card and a mediocre dinner. We work so hard! We have 3 jobs between the 2 of us and I fear we may need to add a 4th. What makes it harder is that many members of my own family don't have to work as hard - or at all - to make ends meet. In many cases, the wives don't work. Growing up, I didn't think I would have to work. Truth be told, I enjoy working. I don't think I would be happy staying home full time but I would like to have the choice! Is that too much to ask?

On a much bigger level, I'm worried about how we are going to pay our bills. I used to think "How can people let themselves get to the point where their homes are going into foreclosure and now I totally get it. In fact, I am about one missed paycheck away from losing my house. Seriously - we have NO cushion. God forbid we lose out jobs - we're screwed! And it's so embarrassing. My biggest fears is that I have to go to my parents and ask for help.

We keep telling ourselves that everyone is in this position. We're not the only ones. Everyone is feeling the crunch. Somehow it doesn't make me feel any better.

So help me feel better. Is anyone else feeling the crunch and if so, what are you doing about it?

And so it begins...

So today was Bean's first day of 1st grade. It was fine. They've both been going to daycare since they've been 3 months old. Dropping her off for a half day of school is just a tease for me. I did have the day off though and I kept Peaches home with me too. So it's not a true "day off" for me. I love my kids but I could not do this full time. And I know that about myself. I like to think that doesn't make me a bad mother.

In any event, during the year, I don't usually do the drop off - the Dad does. It just works better for our schedules. I take Peaches, he takes Bean. So I haven't had a chance to bond with the other parents. It took me all of last year, of going to birthday parties and school events to form a "relationship" with some of the other parents. And when I say "relationship", I mean that I am comfortable enough to say hello to them. So today was slightly awkward for me. I guess I'm just not that social. I want to be but when I get around a group of women I don't know that well - it's like high school all over again. And I HATED high school.

Back to work tomorrow (after being off for almost a week). Summer is over and, truth be told, I'm kind of glad. We need some structure back in our lives. And I like being holed up with the kids and the Dad in the cold weather. It makes me feel less guilty for sleeping late on the weekends and not doing too much outside with them.

Wow - do I sound anti-social? The Dad would totally NOT agree with that.